You've got to be kidding me.

WARNING: This is a very long narrative.

Dad and I did the Rock Cliff Triathlon yesterday, Saturday June 26th up at Jordanelle Reservoir, which is a little past Park City in the mountains. And not to discourage those of you who have this newfound zeal to participate in endurance races, but I did not have fun yesterday.

We left the house before 6am and had to park 2.7 miles from where the race actually began and the transition area was set up. There were buses to take us down to the start except you couldn't take bikes on the bus. And seeing as how every participant save the swimmers and runners participating in the relays had a bike, we had to ride down our bikes to the start…WITH all of our gear. Getting there wasn't too bad because it was downhill or fairly flat so we weren't super worried about tiring ourselves out. Plus we got a chance to see what the last few miles of the bike course looked like.

The start wasn't until 9am which is actually pretty late for a race to start. I think they made it so late because most of us had to drive a long way to get there (not to mention the riding of the bikes in addition to the drive) and so that the lake could get a little warmer. And warmer it got. We waited around for the start…and waited…and waited…in our black wetsuits soaking up the hot sun. We had to wait for so long because there was all this driftwood in the lake right where we were supposed to go swimming. So they kept having the lifeguards on their surfboards go and move these huge branches out of the way, just in time for more to float over and the coast guard to motorboat over and clear that away. I was getting so hot that I couldn't wait to get in the water. And then when I finally started inching my way in I stepped in a hole and almost completely submerged myself instantly. I screamed and everyone just stared at me like an idiot. I explained that there was a hole and some smart broad says, "oh, now I know not to step there." Yeah. Glad to help you out.

The swim finally started and can I just say that I thought I was bad with map reading and having a horrible sense of direction, but wow. Some of these ladies were completely oblivious to their surroundings, and by surroundings I mean me. I got swatted and kicked so many times. And when I wasn't dodging rogue swimmers, I was dodging the entire Sherwood Forest that somehow found its way into the lake. I kept putting my hand in the water to start a stroke and then by the time my hand was behind me I'd have a twig between my fingers, or I'd hit my head on a log, scoop it out of the way, and then end up kicking it. Some people swam around all the debris, whether they did it on purpose or not and whether they were smarter or not I don't know, but I didn't want to have to do the extra swimming so I just did a straight shot through the wreckage.

When I got to the bike my crotch started hurting after about 5 minutes and I was so discouraged. But then after about 11 people passed me, I heard some music coming up behind me. We're not allowed to wear headphones, which really stinks, so this music was nice to hear. Then I recognized the song as Lady Gaga's smashing hit, "Poker Face," which made me think of Kaleb so that put me in a good mood. Then the source of the music, some kind of speakers on a woman's bike, quickly zoomed past me and was never heard again. Along the way, I saw 1 guy getting a tire pumped, lost my water bottle, almost gagged from the smell of barnyard animal fecal matter, and seriously considered getting off and walking back to the car. Despite the beautiful scenery, the relatively flat course, and the excitement of being in the race, I was miserable. I don't know what it is about riding a bike but I am not good at it and I really don't enjoy it. And getting passed up by people twice my age and twice my body fat is just one slap in the face after another.

So I finally get to the part of the bike course that we had already ridden down so I started to feel better because I knew there was a big hill I could coast down and I usually get a little burst of energy when I know I'm about to get off the bike soon. But when I get close to the transition area I saw all the sprint athletes packing up their cars and heading home and all of the olympic athletes well on their way on the run. And there's nothing more frustrating than seeing people finished when you still have a couple miles on the bike and 10k left to run. And then I look at where the runners are going and it is up this huge hill on the main road and I almost cried. I rode into the transition area, which is about half empty now because so many people have already finished, and nice people say encouraging things even though I know they're all thinking, "man, I'm glad I'm not her right now."

I start running, and I mean that in the loosest sense of the word, and it is so hot. I could not believe how hot and my water at the transition area was too warm to drink so I had to wait until the 1st aid station to get some, and if you recall I lost my water bottle at the turnaround point on the bike course. Needless to say, I was a little more than parched. But then Dad found me and gave me some of his water and said it was a long way until the aid station. I looked at him and told him I didn't think I could finish. I felt horrible, physically and mentally, and it was so hot. But I've never run to the point where I physically couldn't go anymore, the point where I literally couldn't take another step and I've always wondered what the point was. So I decided this was the day I was going to find out. I was pretty okay with not finishing because I knew I could say that I had actually given it everything I had.

The run was practically unbearable. In comparison to the Daybreak Tri, which is almost completely flat on a paved path, this was almost all up and down hills on a hiking trail that was washed out and full of rocks and dips and holes and trenches. My ankles were killing me from all of the uneven surfaces. The first mile was on a paved surface but it was brand new asphalt like looked like slightly melted chocolate chips and it made me want to hurl when I looked at it and you could feel the heat radiating off of it. So when I finish my 1st lap the announcer gets ready to say my number and the people cheer because they think I'm finished but then I have to keep going. The volunteers had abandoned the 2nd aid station so I had to flip a u-turn to go back and get some water for myself. Then Dad found me again and gave me more water and ran with me a little, bless his heart. Then I got to the 1st aid station again and they were out of water so they handed me this clear liquid that looked like water with a bug in it. The bug didn't bother me at this point but I threw that cup on my head and drank the other one. I then realized it was not water and almost gagged on it. Then I realized I had just dumped a mysterious sports drink all over me. So in addition to the permanent marker, lake water, sweat, bugs, and dirt I had all over me, I was now completely sticky.

Anyway, I was almost at the end of the run and I saw some older woman really struggling to finish her 1st lap and that gave me enough motivation to finish. I'm usually that person for a lot of people, so I don't feel bad being so insensitive to this particular woman. Now, after all the races I've done, marathon included, I'm pretty sure this was the hardest most unenjoyable thing I've ever done. And I'm still not sure why, but it was rough.

I finally finished and just wanted to jump in the lake or take a nap. But then I realized the finish line was a bout a mile away from the transition area where all our stuff was. We had to walk all the way back…and some people ran back and I just wanted to slap them. We got our stuff and then had to do the 2.7 mile ride in the other direction to the car, this time going UP the hill and the second I got on the bike I knew I couldn't make it. So bless Dad's heart after about a mile, he left me with all our gear and rode up to get the car and come back for me.

I finally got to sit down and some girl whose husband also went to go get their car sat next to me and showed me some nasty blisters on her feet. She kept talking to me and I really was not in a good mood but I couldn't get up or get away so I had to try and be polite. But then about 30 minutes passed and I was starting to get worried about Dad. When he came he told me the car battery died and he had to get a jump from someone. The perfect ending to the perfect day.

Be Careful Who Your Friends Are

It has been quite some time since I have spent time with people my own age everyday. In December I finished taking classes with my cohort and started student teaching in January, when all of my days were spent with junior high girls. Then I graduated and moved back home and started going to Reagan Academy with elementary children. I also have spent more time with the little boys. So basically my social circle includes people age 12 and under. Now, don't think I'm complaining or lonely, I'm just warning you that it's true that the people you spend your time with become your friends and friends do have a powerful influence over you.

Kaleb has recently discovered the phrase "a rotten egg" so every time we sit down to eat he says, "whoever is sitting in the middle is the rotten egg," or "whoever finished first/last is the rotten egg," or "whoever is sitting in the wrong seat is not the rotten egg," etc. Well, when I was at school yesterday some third graders kept moving a cone and it was making me crazy so after about the 3,517 time telling them to leave it alone I said, "next person to touch the cone is a rotten egg!"

Then I stopped and just laughed. Peer pressure from a 3 year-old, whooda thought.

Uno Mas

We ordered this picture because I think I look amaaaazing (singsong tone). So I thought I would share the wealth.

On a sidenote. I interviewed at UVU yesterday for the master's program and got an email today saying that I've been accepted, which I am quite shocked about. I don't know if it's what I want though…so, I have more decisions to make and I'm not having fun.

I'm a Pro

Almost exactly one hour after receiving my diploma (while enjoying a delicious J Dawg) I got a call from a school offering me a teaching position at a charter school in Springville, UT! Crazy, huh? A real job with a real salary…well sort of. It's only part-time, which I thought was a major draw-back and I planned to hold out for a full-time position elsewhere, but I think it is actually going to be quite perfect. The job is at a K-8 school and I would teach the elementary school students and the classes are capped at 26 (Heeeeeeyyyyy!!). I would be at school 5 days a week but only teaching random times throughout the day, making my total hours a whopping 20-25ish earning me a grand total of $16,000 a year, not including insurance. But I get to stay on the parentals' insurance until I'm 26 whilst still single. Can you say, sa-weet? And did I mention my 10th grade PE teacher is the teacher for the middle school kids? Small world.

I thought about it for a few days…more like obsessed over it but then decided this morning I could either accept this position and teach part-time and take some more classes part-time, or drive to Evanston, Wyoming in a snow storm to interview for a full-time position in some po-dunk town…sold! I called the school (Ronald Reagan Academy) and accepted the position. I also called UVU to see if I could still apply for their Masters of Education program to get an English as a Second Language endorsement and a masters all at the same time. The deadline to apply for summer classes has already passed but they're still looking for a few more students so I sent in my application. IF I get in, it's a 2 year program with lots of classes spring and summer, but only 1 or 2 during the real school year. So all in all, I think things will work out quite nicely, if all goes according to plan…but when does that ever happen?

Kearns Spring Sprint Triathlon

400m swim, 20k bike, 5k run

You'll have to ask Dad about this...

One and Only Ashton Graduate

Today, April 23, 2010 at 8:00AM I graduated from Brigham Young University.

Here are some pictures. It was pouring rain outside so there aren’t very many, but I got to keep my cap and gown so we might take more later, hopefully with Mom and Dad in them too.

Afterward we went to J Dawgs to celebrate…mmmm…J Dawgs has upgraded to an actual building now, not just that little shed, just so you know.

We're having a BBQ next Saturday for a real celebration because we have a too much going on this weekend. So come on over!

Half-in Fun

Dad and I ran the Salt Lake City Half Marathon today, Saturday April 17th and it was a blast! We left the house at 5:30AM and made it to the starting line 12 minutes before the race began at 7AM. Because we cut it so close I didn't get a chance to go to the bathroom before we started so I ran the first 3 miles with a completely distended bladder….no bueno. I had to wait about 10 minutes in line to use the Honey Bucket and some girl had the nerve to cut in line. Dad kept walking while I did the potty dance, by the time I caught up with him he had gone .66 miles.

It was amazing how well Dad did. His hip has been really painful for him, so not only was he hurting every step of the way, but he hasn't been able to train so this was the most he's ever run, by about 7 miles! We stopped to walk for only a couple minutes on a few hills, but other than that, we ran the rest of the way. We finished 13.1 miles in 2:25:07 which is an 11:04 mile split. We finished about 25 seconds before the full marathon winner finished…crazy huh?

I had a lot of fun…I don't think Dad did though. We're supposed to do a sprint triathlon next Saturday, we'll see how he feels then. Give him a call! The race photos will be posted in a couple of days, but in the meantime, here we are after the race.